Warnings: implied slash, strong language, and sexual content.
Spoilers: CotBP and DMC
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Notes: for 12_fics challenge, the theme is delusion
Jack knew he couldn’t get back to sleep now. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and walked over to the window, looking out at the dark waves. Looking, Jack began to feel slightly sick. He thought of James, alone and scared, hurt and drowning. He thought of those lasts felting breaths he must have taken, thought of the horror that must have been in his eyes. Jack shut his eyes and turned away from the window.
Walking over to his desk, he sat down and grabbed the bottle of rum, which sat there waiting for him. He took three long slow gulps of it. His James was gone, and it was as if a part of him had disappeared with him. Jack’s eyes moved over to the other end of the desk. He reached over and took the hat, which was sitting proudly by the side. It was James’ hat. Jack ran his fingers along it and he sighed. He had never missed anything so much in his life.
As if making up his mind about something, Jack suddenly stood and grabbed something else from his desk, leaving James’ hat there. He moved out onto the deck and at once told the man at the helm that he could go get some rest. Alone in the dark, Jack moved to the eadge of the Pearl. He looked down and took a deep breath. There was no one else here... now was the time.
He lifted his leg and stood on the railing, one hand gripping a rope and the other gripping the white rose he had plucked from his desk. It was time. Jump. He waited, but his legs refused to move. Jack frowned.
“Jump!” He said aloud, hoping that would help. Still nothing happened. He gripped the rope tighter. “Come on you yellow livered scum! Jump and get it the hell over with! Then you can be with him.” Tears dripped down his face. When had he started to cry? “I just want to be with him!”
But still he didn’t jump. He knew he couldn’t. He put himself back on the deck and then sunk onto his knees. He gripped his hands into fists, the thorns of the rose causing his hand to bleed. He sobbed and wept bitterly. “I’m so sorry, Jamie!” He cried, leaning his forehead against the wood of the deck. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there! I’m sorry I couldn’t save you! I’m sorry I let you die alone! I’m sorry I didn’t die instead of you! I miss you so much! I love you!”
Of course, he received no answer. For what seemed like a million years, he sat there, crying. It was the first time he had cried since the day James had died. He had never forgiven himself. He would never forgive himself. It was his fault. It didn’t matter what the others said, he should have been there with Jamie.
When at last he had no more tears to cry, Jack stood and looked down at the white rose. He brought it to his lips and gave it a small, loving kiss. He tossed it into the ocean and watched it drift away, with all that was left of his love. “Goodbye, love.”